“My beloved in mine, and I am his…” Song of Solomon 2:16. In my context today a “beloved” is a person with whom you have a relationship, which is planned to end up in marriage. In additional words, he or she is the man or woman you have officially consented to marry.
Some people use the phrases fiancé, boyfriend, or girlfriend to describe the relationship. Henceforth, I submit that such relationships should be entered into exclusively for marriage and that the period for developing the relationship before the marriage (traditionally referred to as courtship) should not be too long – to avoid fornication.
Unfortunately, the Church has not taken the time to teach this – we can see how fornication is in every relationship.
Courtship is a relationship where you need to know (not sexually) a person you are thinking can be your life partner. In this relationship, you know the person, (their temperament, age, dream, passion, values, faith, background, family, does he/she have an income?
Will you have a place to stay? The type of car they have and the THINGS they have are not important to think about. We must all know that the fact that his/her parents are good does not mean the child will also be a good spouse.
Consider the fact that people do not really change and so anything that you do not like about your beloved and therefore spouse, is also not likely to change. Is your tribal difference going to affect your marriage? Is a discrepancy in levels of education going to affect your marriage?
The Gospel of Matthew explains that Joseph was a “RIGHTEOUS man, yet unwilling to expose [Mary] to shame” so he decided to “divorce her quietly.” (Matt. 1:19). This implies that although Joseph typically respected the law, he did not want to subject Mary to mockery, judgment, and possible death.
The second reason Joseph wanted to divorce Mary quietly was that he never had sex with her and yet she was found to be pregnant. He was engaged to her but he never slept with her. He was dating her but he never had sex with her.
This story is a perfect example of how we ought to date as Christians. We must never have sleepovers, meet for sex at the lodges, or go to visit a man’s/woman’s house alone. We must never sit on each other’s lap or dress to entice our partners. We must stay away from anything that may lead to sex before marriage.
Finally, let me end with some effects of sex before marriage. It opens doors to the spirit of unfaithfulness. Even if you still get married, the probability of any of you becoming unfaithful to each other is very high.
There will be an invisible hand persuading you to become unfaithful even when you know it’s wrong and would break your partner’s heart. Secondly, you would also become a slave to a spirit of the lust of the flesh.
You may pretend and convince yourselves that this would not happen, but it will be just a matter of time before it manifests and would disarray your marriage. Thirdly, it fuels mistrust in a marriage.
Usually, your spouse finds it almost impossible to trust you with the opposite sex because they would say if you slept with them before you married, you would surely do the same with the opposite sex.
This in turn causes a lot of insecurities and every married couple will tell you that a marriage can’t stand where there are insecurities because, in every sphere of life, we must work with everyone irrespective of their gender and behaviour. May God give us the grace to stay away from sex before marriage!
Biography
Dr. Humphrey Mutiti is a Pastor, conference speaker, instructor, and a lecturer at Great Commission Bible College, an author of several books, has a DTh, a DMin and a student in the School of law.
https://grwec.ossetianpie.uk/mihitsu-no-koi-ep-1/ – 193 0% Mihitsu no Koi Ep. 1