A THIEVING eastener of Chipata’s Nabvutika area has deactivated his life account from planet earth after he decided to emulate his monkey eating tribal cousins in the department of borrowing other people’s things without the intention of returning them.
Eastern Province police commanding officer Robertson Mweemba told Kalemba that on Sunday, while most people were on their knees, praying for the forgiveness of their sins and shouting ‘wakamba vyambili’, Reuben Phiri was busy abrogating the “thou shall not steal” commandment by stealing D Compound fertiliser belonging to his grandmother.
As if getting what didn’t belong to him was not sinful enough, Phiri, like Marco Polo, embarked on a long journey to another compound where he sold the bag to some village buyers.
However, when granny returned home and learned that her grandson had sold her fertiliser, the no-nonsense grandmother reported him to the police.
And Graphael Musamba’s men, acting on granny’s instructions, arrested 24 year old Phiri who later led them to his buyers.
After having a confrontation with the men in uniform, the buyers were forced to surrender the unused bag of fertiliser, prompting the grandmother to withdraw the case against her grandson and set him free.
However, the customers of the mufundo could not let the scammer breathe in peace as they kept pestering him about their refund which Phiri had already used.
Fearing that he would be given Catherine Phiri’s boxing jabs by the buyers who threatened to beat him, Phiri opted to do a ‘view once’ on life and transported himself back to his maker.
“It is alleged that the deceased was in daily confrontation with the people to whom he had sold the bag of fertiliser that was later recovered by the police. The buyers were demanding their money back,” said the police commanding officer.
“The deceased later took his own life by ingesting suspected rat poison at his father’s house. Police officers inspected the body and found no visible injuries.”
By Catherine Pule
Kalemba, November 14, 2025
