FIVE Chingola men on the Copperbelt are gnashing their ‘unbrushed’ teeth in filthy police cells after they were arrested for assaulting a 61-year old man they falsely claimed had magically stolen their biological “North Korean missiles.”
On Sunday, social media was awash with a video of a 61 year old man being brutally beaten and almost stripped of his clothes after he was accused of possessing some Luapula abracadabra powers of making men’s baby producing machines disappear.
According to the family of Baxston Kapansa, the elderly man was attacked on the Sabbath while on his way from church by a man claiming to be the uncle of one of the alleged victims in the now-dismissed “missing sausages” saga.
Shortly after the rumours spread, an overzealous relative of one of the complainants took matters into his own hands and delivered an “unwarranted physical punishment” on the old man.
However, police inspections later revealed that the biological missiles of all the alleged victims were safe and intact, clearing Kapansa of the bizarre accusations.
On Monday, police finally found some fuel to put in their CDF vehicle and drove to arrest the five men who had fasely accused the old man.
Police spokesperson Godfrey Chilabi has confirmed in a statement that the men subsequently underwent medical examinations and their pleasuring sticks were still standing as tall as Findeco house.
“After investigations, the five men were detained on March 16, 2026, and have since been formally charged with the offence of giving false information to a public officer, contrary to Section 125 of the Penal Code Chapter 87 of the Laws of Zambia, ” he said.
In a related matter arising from the same incident, the 61 year old who was accused by the five men filed a complaint against a man only idenfied as Mambwe for Assault Occasioning Actual Bodily Harm (OABH) and a medical report form was issued to facilitate the complaint.
“Following investigations, Mambwe has been formally charged with Assault Occasioning Actual Bodily Harm (OABH), in addition to the charge of giving false information. All five suspects are currently in custody awaiting a court appearance, ” revealed Chilabi.
Police has since warned that acts inciting instant mob justice will not be tolerated as such conduct endangers innocent lives and constitutes a criminal offence.
By Sanfrossa Mberi
Kalemba, March 18, 2026
