A youthful ladies’ man of Lusaka has sought the intervention of the country’s judiciary after the job description of his once-busy manhood was magically downgraded to just urinating.
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According to 35-year-old Samuel Phiri, his former lover Memory Banda used black magic to loadshed all the power and energy from his groin region.
Looking dejected like a police officer who had been transferred from the traffic section to the inquiries desk, Phiri told the Matero Local Court that in the past few weeks, he has had to call off many crucial bedroom matches because Memory had magically put his organ of pleasure and procreation on flight mode.
As Phiri explained his predicament, his eyes welled with tears while the public gallery buzzed with sighs of sympathy and disbelief.
This is in a case brought before magistrate Harriet Mulenga where Phiri pleaded that his former sweetheart takes pity on him and restores his reproductive powers.
According to Phiri, their love story burned bright but brief, lasting only three months before he pulled the plug, citing Memory’s bad behavior and what he described as a complete lack of respect in the relationship.
He revealed that shortly after entering a new relationship, his manhood mysteriously stopped functioning and would fail to rise to the occasion whenever he was due to fulfil a fornicatory fixture.
“One fateful day, she came with her team in the night and when I opened the door, she grabbed me, demanding we have sex in front of everyone, to prove my manhood was paralysed by her wicked charms. It’s been a month now, and I am still powerless, a prisoner of her dark spells,” he recounted.
“Nifuna animasule (I want to be free) because, even now, my manhood is still imprisoned.”
Phiri insisted that he was certain that Memory had used charms on him, pointing out that especially that he began dating his new lover while still involved with her.
He suggested that jealousy may have driven Memory to resort to what he believes is spiritual sabotage.
In her defence, Memory swore by the increased CDF allocation that she had nothing to do with her former lover’s manhood failures.
In fact, Memory had accusations of her own against Phiri, saying, on several occasions, he had pushed his mbeba-catching fingers into her tunnel of pleasure as way od investigating if she had slept with another man.
“He claims I have tied his manhood, yet when I ask him to prove it, he refuses. Send us to the pastors; let them be witness to the truth. I am not responsible for his impotence, and I left him because of his mistrust and violation of my body. This accusation is nothing more than a desperate attempt to blame me for his own failings,” she said.
In her ruling, Magistrate Mulenga dismissed Phiri’s claim, stating that he had not approached the court with clean hands, as evidence suggested he had been sexually involved with multiple women during their dating period.
“Stop sleeping around with multiple women. Being faithful is a good thing. Don’t behave like a car that has lost control or whose brakes have failed. You need to stop this behaviour,” Magistrate Mulenga advised.
By Sharon Zulu
Kalemba September 29, 2025
