A FORTY six year old serial husband of Lusaka has waved goodbye to his sixth marriage after his wife refused to turn her barbing skills into bush clearing services for his unkempt baby making machine below his belly button.
Friday Chowa, a seasoned husband from Garden Park who, by the way has already fired and tasted the sweet calabash of his five ex wives stormed the Matero Local Court, moaning that his 43 year old wife, Rhoda Hanyana had stubbornly refused to give his long pointed forest a good landscaping session.
With a beard on his chin as wild as a jungle, Chowa stood before Magistrate Lewis Mumba and declared that his baby making tube was as unkept as his beard.
“Your honour, the way you are seeing my unkempt beard is how my private parts are,” narrated Chowa.
Chowa also bitterly complained that, like last year’s dry spell, Rhoda had placed him on a drought in the bedroom, with a whole month of him not inserting his big, strong and reliable sausage roll into his wife’s samosa.
He also lamented that the wife serves him scrambled eggs and vegetables when there’s chicken and meat chilling in the fridge.
“She has no respect for me. She hasn’t been submissive to me in all these years we have been married. She serves my food on unpresentable plates. These clothes I am wearing are dry cleaned, she doesn’t wash for me,” said Chowa.
But Rhoda was not about to let Friday paint her as the villain without swinging her own axe.
In her defense, she told the court that the only thing wild in their house wasn’t his groin hair but it was his temper.
She narrated that the man has a temper as high as Mount Everest and serves her with eardrum perforating insults from Wusakile while kicking her off the mattress like Stophila Sunzu kicked the winning goal during the 2012 AFCON finals.
Rhoda further exculpated herself that she cleared off her hubby’s bush but it’s like his expectations were as high as his body count.
Rhoda complained that the last time her garden of pleasure was watered with his biological hose pipe was on May 10 this year and since then her wet garden has been left as dry as the Sahara desert.
“He chases me out of the bedroom and sometimes pushes me from the mattress saying I should leave him. That’s why I left his bedroom,” she said.
Chowa has also been in and out of matrimonial unions than people change phone numbers as Rhoda was his sixth wife.
The court also heard that while Chowa came with two children in the marriage, Rhoda came with four from a previous marriage.
Together, they made zero not even a “trial” child to show for all the shaving drama.
Fed up with the madness, the court gave up trying to reunite the pair and swung the divorce hammer.
“This court is disappointed with you, you are supposed to be role models to the young ones,” reported the Zambia Daily Mail.
The couple was ordered to split whatever household items they acquired together.
By Catherine Pule
Kalemba, June 23, 2025
