By Godfrey Chitalu
Last week, the political Champions League erupted with the Concourse Ruling, a decision that blew the final whistle on Edge Guy’s (EG) ambitions of returning to the pitch.
Once the talismanic striker for Team Pub Wattle (Sean Kindergarten XI), EG dramatically retired in 2021 after a disappointing second half. But like any seasoned political footballer, he never really left the field—appearing in jogging sessions, delivering pep talks, and sneaking penalty kicks under the referee’s nose.
The CC officials, however, were alert even using ZNBC var. Their ruling was emphatic: “Retired players can’t rejoin the match.” The verdict left diehard fans chanting: “He’s our only dribbler! Bring him back!” But the referees stuck to their guns, pointing to EG’s infamous retirement press conference—etched forever in the archives like VAR footage.
EG wasn’t ready to concede. At a hastily called press briefing, he dusted off his armband and argued, “Retirement is fluid.” He adjusted his collar, adding, “There is Plan B warming up. besides, the opposition still needs my goals.”
Meanwhile, Team United Paddlers (UP), led by Heigtened Heights (HH), seized the moment. With his trademark smirk, HH spun a football lazily on his finger and quipped: “Rules are rules. This isn’t some fee-pomp war. It’s Champions League, Ming ah latto.” Armed with the much-debated PoA Playbook, HH had already sidelined most of PW’s key players, quietly reshaping the game to his advantage.
As EG threatened to appeal to the League of Public Opinion, whispers grew louder. Will he build a Sean Kindergarten XI to suffer a 10-0 drubbing in 2026, or is this his final whistle? Politics, after all, teyabana—it always has extra time.
Contact Information
Email: goddychitty@gmail.com
Phone: +260 977 466 284 | +260 963 013 760
Socials: Twitter & Facebook: @goddychitty
Disclaimer: This is satire. If you’re a cadre, wait for Car Warm War—not my inbox.
 ambitions of returning to the pitch.){kind=link}