We all have spans when we fail to attain something that we genuinely craved and find hard to cope with. Nonetheless, some populace seems much more able to pick themselves up and dust themselves down after these incidents than others. These people are not inherently ‘better’ in any way: they have simply developed some positive patterns and aptitudes that help them to overcome failure and turn it into a more positive experience. They use failure as a way to learn and sweeten. In this article, I examine and exemplify some of these skills and demonstrate how you can develop proficiency to deal more gracefully with failure.
Ways to Manage Failure
1. Recognise and accept your emotions.
Failure hurts, at least in the first instance, and you need to accept that. Trying to minimise your feelings or divert yourself can be counter-productive in the longer term. Just recognise your feelings for what they are and allow yourself time to hurt a bit. Regardless, don’t dwell on it for too long or blame yourself.
2. Don’t make it personal.
When you fail, don’t see yourself as a failure, somewhat then perceive that you have experienced a setback. Never see failure or success as personal: instead, it is something that you experience. It does not change the real ‘you’. Failure is never a person but an event.
3. Don’t worry about what anyone else will think.
Sometimes our views about success and failure are tied up in what other people will think about us, or about how we think they will judge us. It is effortless to assume both success and failure if you define them in your own terms and do things because you want to attain them, not because you think other people will be pleased.
4. Take the right amount of responsibility.
We have all met people who are always ready to blame others or events for their lack of success.
“The referee was biased!”
“The teacher doesn’t like me, that’s why my mark was so low.”
It is important to recognise when other, external factors have impacted your success. You don’t need – and should not try – to blame yourself for everything, exceptionally if it is outside your control.
It is, however, also vital to recognise what you yourself could have done to enhance matters. For instance, could you have trained or worked harder? Was your revision really all that it could have been? Did you really prepare for that interview in the best possible way? Take responsibility for the factors over which you have control, and don’t be tempted to hide behind excuses.
5. Use failure as a way to improve.
Don’t think of failure as failure. Rather, think of it as life’s way of showing you that you need to improve, and how to do so.
Ask yourself what you could have done differently to achieve a better result. Then consider how you could put that into a technique to help you to improve for next time.
Biography
Dr. Humphrey Mutiti is a Pastor, conference speaker, instructor, and a lecturer at Great Commission Theological Institute, an author of several books, has a Ph.D Doctorate in Theology, a Ph.D Doctorate in Ministry and a student in the School of law.
Facebook page: Dr. Humphrey Mutiti
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