Destruction of Settlements Towards Voting (DSTV) By Godfrey Chitalu

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Despite vehement protests from praise singers, the kingdom was indefinitely closed for renovations as a result of Destruction of Settlements Towards Voting (DSTV). It became crystal clear that unleashing bulldozers on hapless Car Bush people would remind them not to vote for Bull Dozer. Bull Dozer himself backed by a gigantic crowd cried in vernacular “Teine, they are just using my name in van, venn, oh vane, sorry vein, eish vain.”
 
When it became apparent that the bulldozers would not do the trick, the excited electoral commission decided to swap names with the engineering institute by engineering a well calibrated blockade. By taking on the role of judge and jury, they shamelessly usurped the sacredness of our judiciary. Hate or love him, at this point everyone in the kingdom knew that we were in for a Direct Simulated Tilted Voting (DSTV) puppet show.
 
Surprisingly, the previously vocal civil society, human rights groups and related sycophants remained as mute as DSTV on dollarization of prices. Even when the money exchange rate improved it seemed DSTV was the Achilles heel that needed tendinitis medicine. Not to be outdone, now everyone is privately turning to Direct Entertainment Channel (DEC) on Banana Sweet Television (BSTV) using secured Whatsapp and Telegram groups!
 
Civils servants and their meager and often delayed Zangena’s have started Dangling Salaries on Television (DSTV) at the expense of buying Pamela. Pamela’s in homes are as scarce as the real one: permanently AWOL despite the kingdom enlisting the services of Interpol. Pamela how long are you going to make international police look useless? Pamela Why?
 
Breaking news: I’m told Mal Angst certificate has now been accepted by the engineers at Electoral Commission as authentic! Also in the news – kingdom spokeswoman Choose Cassandra flanked by fiefdom spokesman Comical Taboo have just announced that to counter the current happenings Kingdom Satellite Television (KSTV) will soon be launched. The locally made satellite is set to blast off from a cosmodrome in Russia when the war ends.
 
“We could have done it from Car Bush airstrip if it wasn’t for the encroachments and unruly behavior from sponsored yufs . Please don’t complain about TV, the current bouquet that has no free to air for Kingdom Broadcasting Services is ok: we will only start being serious and publicizing our good works in 2025.”
 
The author is a social commentator who writes for pleasure Reactions and feedback call: 0977466284| 0963013760 Email: goddychitty@gmail.com (@goddychitty) Twitter|Facebook)
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