Joseph Chibwe
Shi Joe comes home and mistakes a shoe for relish
Bakamba yesterday I came back from Malole Tavern dizzy and hungry but hoped to find nshima at home. Upon landing home, ukusanga Ba madam balimu darkness, ZESCO Theliz no, Candle olo matches nothing! I called my wife, njebele, “woman hunger has put me ku wire and so I urgently need nshima!” My wife ati, “atate Joe simungaembekeze malaiti yabwele?”
Njebele, “woman sure-sure am hungry and you are saying ati niyembekeze malaiti? That’s why you are a propagander! Now give me food or else there will be pandemonium in this house!”
Ba Madam ati, “Nshima is already on the table but muzadya bwanji malaiti kulibe?” Njebele, “don’t worry I will find a way after-all ndine Gai!”
I walked to the table, opened the ndiyo plate but the moment I placed my hand on the plate, I shouted to my wife njebele, “Bana Joe what is this on the ndiyo plate?” Bana Joe responded ati, “ni chimbombo!!!” Njebele, “Oh wondering!!!! Cow’s leg aka chimbombo is my favorite relish!”
I lifted up the Chimbombo from the plate and held it in my hand, unfortunately the delicious Chimbombo slipped off my hand and it went rolling down the floor. I knelt down, went under the table and started searching for chimbombo with my hands. After several minutes of trying and searching, my hand picked up something which smelt and felt like Chibombo. In no time, it was in my mouth. I started palangasheting it with my hunger kai.
Now the more I was trying to grind the chimbombo with my teeth, the more it became extremely hard to bite. Pa last njebele, “uhn uhn I give up, let me go to sleep, this chimbombo kutiwasokoka ameno!” Early in the morning nadabwafye ameno yalekalipa and shaking. I turned to my wife njebele, “Bana Joe I need to go ku dental clinic ameno too much paining!” My wife ati, “so ngati ndimwe kwenze ndeo ku Malole Tavern banamimenyani kofi pakamwa!”
Njebele,” iwe ine ndaposa ama kofi no size nama door bouncers baniziba!” My wife ati, “by the way bashi Joe that chimbombo I served you with Nshima last evening, I picked it under the table few minutes ago. It is surprisingly intact.”
Just when I was about to answer her, my son comes ku bed naka Shoe looking scattered with soup all over it, ati, “Mummy look, rats have eaten my shoe!”
My wife screamed ati, “ahhh!!!!” She then turned to me ati, “Bashi Joe so you were the one eating insapato yamwana last evening ka?” Njebele, “iwe me I don’t know anything, nenze okolewa!” My son started crying ati, “umm umm umm I won’t go to school!”
Njebele, “ehh shut up!!! Get my slippers and start going to school. Tell yowa teachers that thieves have stolen your shoes. I’m sure they will understand!” Ine looking at the shoe, I cried – it was completely finished.
To be continued on Friday.
Christian author, Joseph Chibwe describes his drama series as fictional; depicting a cantankerous drunkard from Malole Tavern who narrates his own dramatic escapades using a language he barely comprehends.
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