SHI JOE: Wheelbarrow tax

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Shi Joe - The Drunkard

By Joseph Chibwe

Bakamba upon resurrecting up in bed with umulamba gazetted all over my face, I quickly picked up a trouser I wore last evening.

With fanfare, I enforced a search warrant for some change but to no avail. Only to find a huge financial vacuum in my pocket. All zipompo was squandered through Soup ya mbuzi at Malole the previous evening!

 “Mbruuhh” “mbruuhh” “mbruuhhh” my stomach had already started rumbling giving signal that I urgently needed food top up. I did not want to go through Chifentelo procedures. Bakamba I pushed myself outside the house and then saw a sample in form of an old wheelbarrow sleeping careless at Agogo’s yard!

I thought njebele, “umm that wheelbarrow can generate some cash for me, lekeni injipangile Namandingo’s maplan!” I then thought of swindling old Agogo’s wheelbarrow by taking advantage of her old age and ignorance! Bakamba I went inside the house, dressed in my old brown suit and emerged out carrying some plain papers and a pen and then located myself at Agogo’s yard!

“Nkhoh” Nkhoh” “Nkhoh” Old Agogo opened the door and came out! Njebele, “Mbuya without wasting much of yowa time nipasenikoni ma tax registration paper for that yowa wheelbarrow sleeping over there?” Agogo: “Muzukulu wanga iyi wellobala ilibiletu ma paper tinaigula kale.”

Njebele, “Thank-you very much Mbuya. Now under the power vested in me through the local council act am confiscating yowa wheelbarrow!” Bakamba I then picked up the wheelbarrow and started pushing it away; “gruuhh” “gruuhhh” “gruhhhh” Agogo cried, “Iweh muzukulu wanga nibwezele wellobala yanga!”

Kana Miso heard Ba Mbuya crying and so she rushed to the scene. Kana Miso, “Agogo nichani chichitika pano?” Agogo, “ati willobala yanga batenga ndaba ilibe ma paper!” Kana Miso turned to me; “Iweh Shi Joe imilila first, which law gives you power to grab an old woman’s wheelbarrow and where do you think you taking it?”

Njebele, “Madam, the government has lifted instrument number forty eleven and they have launched manhunt for unregistered wheelbarrows such as this one. Kana Miso ati, “Shi Joe bwekeshapo ati shani?”

Njebele, “Madam am saying all wheelbarrows without tax should be handed over to me!” Kana Miso ati, ” Shi Joe wait first, do you know that old lady very well? Do you know that she is the mother to that famous traditional doctor? Njebele, “Iweh Kana Miso if the government can confiscate a brand new Bugatti without warning the owner what can stop boma from taking away this old and dilapidated wheelbarrow?” Kana Miso ati “Uzachiona iwe”

Njebele, “Kuona chani, after all there is a shortage of manpower kuma Councils banangeneka ku ma campaign. All authority for garbage collection are now vested in me! Kana Miso: “In that case let me call the Council office for confirmation!” As Kana Miso started calling, I looked at the Agogo, who bemusedly shouted that my ability to run, let alone walk had been withdrawn. Bakamba, Im still at the same spot waiting for the Poliice and Council to pick me. I have tried several times to run or walk away but movement, Theliz no!

To be continued on Tuesday.

Christian author, Joseph Chibwe describes his drama series as fictional; depicting a cantankerous drunkard from Malole Tavern who narrates his own dramatic escapades using a language he barely comprehends.

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