Chakolwa Pa Chipanda

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Shi Joe - The Drunkard

HIGHLY educated Shi Joe addresses his neighborhood.

Bakamba upon landing home from Malole around 23 hours, I found my son Joe crying as he looked forward to my arrival. Njebele, “Joe why are crying? Oh so it is that yowa school headmistress.

She chased you from school for non-payment of school fees? Don’t worry tomorrow go to school and tell her that Ba Dad babomba ku Council bakafola after ama elections!”

Joe ati, “No that is not the reason am crying!” Njebele, “then tell me, why are you mourning?” Joe ati, “umm Dad people of this neighborhood where telling me that your father has neither a professional nor a grade 12 certificate!” Njebele, “Joe, even Jay Jay was accused but he filed in – so what you are telling me is that some Komboni entourage were telling you that with me plofetion and satifiket theliz no?” Joe ati, “yes Dad!!!”

Njebele, “no problem! Joe give me the megaphone and a ladder. I want to go on roof top or top roof and talk to these komboni delegates!” Bakaamba I climbed on the roof and started screaming njebele – Attention!!! – Attention!!! – Attention Bakapoli!!!! “Can you all be sleepless for a moment because I want to undress you!!!

“People in this komboni you are too much gelus and that’s why bonse muli ndoshi – in english you are all technocrats but ine tamwakandowe!!!”

“You are busy saying Shi Joe alibe ploffetion is just a kawayawaya – Wooohhhh nalikwata proffesion!!! – Am a professional sellout and I sell hardwares!! – Elo futi I do different works nimachita asshole every day!!!

At that moment my son Joe come out from the house and screamed ati, “Daddy it’s Husttle and not asshole!” I ignored my son and continued screaming in the megaphone – “And soon and very soon am getting gold mining licence, nizankala gold-digger! – “Elo futi am a man with a lot of Diplomas and Pedigrees! – “In fact the only person who come close to my academic papers is Professor Nkandu Luo and John Sangwa.

To be continued on Friday...

Christian author, Joseph Chibwe describes his drama series as fictional; depicting a cantankerous drunkard from Malole Tavern who narrates his own dramatic escapades using a language he barely comprehends.

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