The Return of Shi Joe

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Shi Joe - The Drunkard

Bakamba after disappearing from home for two solid weeks and having squandered ka mid-term gratuity with prostitutes kuma lodges, finally I came to my senses.

As finances dwindled, a financial crisis creeped back into my pocket and so I decided to get back home! Upon landing home, while drunk, I tried to push the door to enter but heard voices of a man and a woman inside the house!

I slowly walked to the bedroom window, placed my ear against the window only to hear sounds of love in the making or making of love in the sound. Njebele ndazigwililandeka!

Umm bakamba I lifted my hands and cast them on top of my head while walking aimlessly. How can my own wife do such a thing in front of my eyes? I couldn’t hold myself from nursing the pain of my dear wife being “palangasheted” in my own matrimonial.

I stood still for a moment, as tears rolled down my face. Njebele “Mwelesa why!!!!” After crying and complaining bitterly, I decide to face the problem head-on! I got my phone and called for reinforcements. Ten minutes later three muscular boys landed to help me apprehend my adulterous wife and her lover.

I then ordered the boys njebele, “gentelemen I want you guys to get inside my house and bring out those two adulterous fools!” By my order the three boys flushed out a man dressed in a bombasa and made him kneel before me! The Bombasa man wondered, “gentlemen what is going on, who are you and what do you want!!!?”

Njebele, “Oh so you are the sokomuntu of a human baboon doing summersaults on top of my wife on my bed, uhh? Today is your last day pa chalo! I shall panel-beat yowa body, cut it apart and export the body pieces to the mortuary!” The man tried to explain but I made him shut his mouth by giving him quick thunder slaps on his round face.

I then ordered one of the boys to get inside and bring out my adulterous wife as well! The boys fished out a woman wrapped in chitenge. I looked at the woman but the woman appeared totally different from my wife. The shocked chitenge wearing woman turned to the man kneeling down and asked, “My husband what is happening and who are these people?” The man answered, “I don’t know them as well!!”

I then asked them, “you two are a couple?” And they both said, “yes!!!” I was like “ahh but what are you both doing in my house?” The man responded, “your house – we shifted here three days ago”

At that Juncture, the hired boys started walking out of the yard saying ati, “big man this is a private matter you can deal with it alone!” Slowly the man rose from the ground and produced an ID which read; “Chief Police Inspector” Ummm bakaamba ine, dazed no beer yapwa. I voluntarily knelt down and started pleading for mercy saying, “bwana kwateniko liniency”

To be continued on Friday.

Christian author, Joseph Chibwe describes his drama series as fictional; depicting a cantankerous drunkard from Malole Tavern who narrates his own dramatic escapades using a language he barely comprehends.

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