GOING TO PRISON A MUST PART 2: Continuation!

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Shi Joe - The Drunkard

I screamed njebele, “I have an idea!!!!” Kashi Ben while nodding his tiny rounded head encouraged me ati, “Yes go on am listening!” Njebele, “Let us go and stage a fierce punch-up fight right at the police station and am sure the police won’t hesitate locking us up in the cells and we shall book our way to prison.” Kashi Ben jumped and screamed ati, “Fantastic!!!! That’s a great idea!!!”

Bakaamba, while we were planning to go and organize a staged fight right at the police station ground, kanshi kana Miso our neighbor aka Komboni CNN was listening incognito. And so, kana Miso ran amalekaleka behind our back to the police station and told the police officers that two morons were planning to come and do a staged fight at the station. She explained everything to the bwanas.”

Bakaamba without knowing that kana miso has preempted our plan, myself and Shi Ben landed pa police and started throwing heavy punches at each other. Bakaamba I unleashed one jab at kashi Ben’s mouth and ka sityopet went staggering allover as blood gushed out of his mouth! Kashi Ben re battled me with a right cross and it landed on my big nose with blood gushing out of my nose like water from the tap.

The police heard the fracas outside and they all ran out to check what the hell was going on.

Seeing the officers coming out, we thought they would promptly arrest us. To our surprise the officers started cheering.  “Mukwempe” one officer shouted hands akimbo. One officer: “Mwami ba CIO onani mwamene chiponyela ma kofi chitali ichi – chipwanya ma kofi monga  Late Lottie Mwale.”

Ba CIO “Aka kafupi kaoneka monga kali nama genes ya late Chisanda Mutti olo Galagata Zulu. Anso futi mufana uyu anga nkale relative wa Chingangu.” Another female officer: “Aba banyamata nibo limba. Ansofuti tizabapeleka ku Lilayi as recruitees so that bakazimenyana nama cadres!”

Meanwhile, me and Shi Ben continued with our real but staged fight. I came pa close range and gave a left hook and walloped Shi Ben’s right cheek olo chick muzati chita differentiate! Kashi Ben also responded with an uppercut and landed it on my forehead. After fighting for over twenty minutes, the police intervened and declared the fight a draw.

They took us inside the station and the moment we landed on the enquiry desk we voluntarily started taking off our faded belts and depreciated shoes in readiness to be locked up. The Officer in Charge intervened saying “The cells are full ” He ordered us to put on our belts and shoes even offered us cold vatra and said, “Lottie Mwale and your Chisanda Mutti – as they pointed at me and Shi Ben respectively- thanks for entertaining us with a fight… Now go back home!!”

We left the police station with our now swollen faces. My friend complained bitterly; “What kind of police officers are these…. People are fighting right at their home ground but ba mambala can’t arrest them?” Shi Joe are you sure those were police officers or it was a group of pastors masquerading as police officers?” Njebele, “Shi Ben I think the crime we took ku police was too petty…. Let us stage a more serious crime and am sure this time around those police officers will have no choice but to arrest us!”

To be continued on Tuesday

Christian author, Joseph Chibwe describes his drama series as fictional; depicting a cantankerous drunkard from Malole Tavern who narrates his own dramatic escapades using a language he barely comprehends.

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