Health thief cycles his way into police cells

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Muchinga Police Commissioner Lizzie Machina

AN employee of the scandal-ridden Ministry of Health yesterday inadvertently handed himself over to police in a failed attempt to wash his fingers dipped in a sticky soup of stolen bicycles.

Amos Zulu, a Stores Officer of Mpika Urban Clinic went to Mpika Police Station to report that 19 Buffalo bicycles under his storage had been stolen by unknown criminals.

However, as per procedure the police asked Zulu if he was involved in the theft of the 19 bicycles and two wheelers.

With a humble face and both palms clasped, Zulu pleaded his innocence saying in matters of thefts, he was such a virgin that he could not even steal a second from Seiko wristwatch bought at Tambalala market.

Before the police, Zulu swore that if he had anything to do with the bikes, may all his teeth fall and the top of his head become soft and throb again like it did when he was a baby.

At the strength of his refusal, police thanked Zulu for his report and as a warm gesture the Shift Leader walked Zulu to the gate.

However, before Zulu could finish pronouncing blessings for promotion on the officer as he bid farewell, the officer noticed a man with pink pegs clipped on the legs of his trousers whistling and calmly ridding a crisp new Buffalo bicycle befitting the description of the government bikes stolen under Zulu’s watch.

Upon noticing that the cop had spotted the oncoming bike, Zulu cut short his lengthy Nyanja farewell and attempted to snake away from the scene.

However, the officer in a flash discarded his smile and told a jittery Zulu to remain put.

When the cyclist got closer, the officer beckoned him closer and asked him where he had obtained the crisp new wheels from when officers where busy jumping over pots and braziers as they trespassed their way on foot to work.

In response, the cyclist with an overchewed toothpick through his moustache told the policeman that the man besides him was the wisest Easterner of them all who for a K1800 had blessed his village with new bicycles.

With his lips white and cracked under momentary stress, Zulu claimed mistaken identity but Mulenga unaware of the consequences of his words kept on thanking Zulu for empowering the village.

With his still teeth intact and his shaved head still as hard as a boiled egg, police led Zulu to the holding cells where he remains.

In confirming the incident, Muchinga Police Commissioner Lizzie Machina said the total value of the bikes had been pegged at K60,000.00 and Zulu was in custody awaiting court appearance.

┬ęKalemba April 21, 2021

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