Embattled UPND MPs attempt to karate their way to re-adoption

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After enjoying a five-year term of luxury at Parliament, two UPND Members of Parliament on Monday and yesterday resorted to violence in a bid to compel their junior party officials to re-adopt them.

In Bweengwa Constituency of Monze District, the UPND adoption centre was turned into WWE wrestling cage.

In this incident, well-nourished beefy youths believed to be supporters of aspirant Muchende Mubembe stormed the UPND district office where officials thought to be on the payroll of Bwengwa Member of Parliament Michelo Kasauta were presiding over the process.

The mob was singing songs that they would dissect whichever official would vote for the re-adoption of Kasauta.

Meanwhile Kasauta’s mob of hired youths was also on standby to repel any attack.

With the two groups ready to size each other up, the situation soon degenerated into full blown Karate mayhem.

The Muchende and Kasauta’s cadres punched, kicked, spat and puffed on each other in the process painting their red UPND party regalia crimson with blood.

Monze Mission Hospital has now been left with the task of sewing and mending up the tattered victims of the family Royal Rumble.

Not to be outdone by their Southern Province cousins, in the open plains of Sikongo Constituency in Barotseland, supporters of another incumbent UPND member of Mundia Ndalamei boiled like coal-powered steam trains when they heard that Ndalamei’s application for re-adoption had been thrown away into the Zambezi River on the basis that it was submitted to an unrecognized structure.

Since stones are rare in Western Province, Ndalamei’s cadres attempted to disrupt a meeting which was scrutinising parliamentary applicants with all sorts of missiles.

With no stones in sight, the cadres resorted to throwing sand at the gathered adoption committee but this tactic failed to work as the wind blew away the sand and only left the officials with white make-up on their faces and hair.

Spitting out sand from their mouths, the enraged adoption officials emerged from the sandstorm and beat up Ndalamei’s supporters for applying sandy make-up.

The officials went straight for the cadres throat known as ‘kang’oto’ in the local dialect and with a local sjambok called ‘pafa yakubu’ whipped the erring cadre leaving them to run to hide in the nearby rice paddies for safety.

Ndalamei, realising that his troops were now crying for their mothers to rescue them from the officials’ beatings, dashed to Sikongo Police Station and reported his party colleagues for holding an illegal assembly. He managed to convince police to grant him a permit to shift the adoptions to a soccer field where he thought he may have better luck of re-adoption.

However, even the re-convened meeting still rubished Ndalamei saying he was better remaining in the constituency growing Mongu rice and cashew nuts than going to Manda Hill as MP.

In desperation, Ndalamei picked up his well beaten supporters from the rice fields where they were hiding, dusted them off and gave them seats as a new committee and they re-adopted him unanimously.

After they had voted for him, Ndalamei dropped some of his officials at Kalabo District Hospital for treatment.

©Kalemba April 14, 2021

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