GUEST ARTICLE: Most embarrassing moment!

By Salim Dawood

ONE of my most epic fails occurred in 2002, during my grade 10 year at Kabulonga Boys.

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After acing an early morning test (or so I thought) during the end of Term Two exams, I decided to walk home with my colleagues to save our K1,200 transport fares (before rebasing). As you may know, being a high school pupil means living on a tight budget.

Some of my colleagues I would be walking home to Chilenje South with, were still stuck in exam rooms, and would not be done until after two hours or somewhere there about.

Feeling like a starving artist, I found my way to the school tuck shop and splurged on a meat pie, the ultimate snack for every Kabulonga boy at the time.

Afterwards, I embarked on a solo 10-minute trek from the school premises to the shopping complex near Melisa Super Market where I would wait for my colleagues.

I found a perfect spot.

And, like Chitimukulu Kanyanta Manga Sosala perching on his forged crocodile, I majestically parked myself on a wooden bench outside an ice cream parlor – the perfect spot to bask in the glory of my newfound freedom from exams.

As I sat there feeling like a king of the world, a group of six Kabulonga girls walked by, flashing smiles so bright they could power the whole of Mufulira town.

The girls’ smiles were like a thousand-watt spotlight, blinding me with their brilliance. They sashayed past me with their burgeoning beauty, their confident strides showcasing their developing ‘assets’.

Their radiant complexions and skin tones were a testament to a diet rich in veggies and good genes. I mean, any boy with a pulse would be smitten by those lovely young ladies. I was no exception.

The girls walked into a nearby confectionery, and before long, they emerged with even more radiant smiles.

As they approached me, my heart raced faster than a Zambia Police Service Landcruiser transporting officers to go and stop an opposition political party rally.

I was clueless about what they wanted to say, but my hopeful heart was already racing ahead, imagining a scenario where all six of them would ask to be my girlfriends.

Just as I was about to declare my undying love for all six of them, one of them spoke and made a request that shattered my dreams:

“Hey, we want to buy something from the bakery, but we are short a K1, can you help us?”

With a mouth drier than the Sahara desert, I stammered, “I… uh… don’t have any money.”

I had spent my last coin on that meat pie.

Now can you imagine, those silly girls, before I could even explain how I was normally loaded but they had just caught me on a rare off day, they turned and walked away giggling like they had just witnessed the most epic fail in human history.

As they disappeared into the distance, still chuckling, I was left sitting there feeling foolish and regretful for sitting at the ice cream parlor without any money.

I remember that day like it was yesterday, very embarrassing!

I wonder if anyone has had a more embarrassing situation than this, let’s hear it!

Kalemba June 10, 2024