SO now, my heaven judgment case now popularly known as “The Righteous versus Shi Joe thee Drunkard” started.
His Justice King Solomon read out the notes, “Defendant you are here because it is alleged that during your life time on earth you led a very sinful life and so you have been charged with unrighteous conduct.”
Now His Justice King Solomon looked directly into my now red eyes and asked me “Defendant do you understand the charge?”
Njebele, “Oh yes your worship ninjikonka bwino saana charge!” Then Judge King Solomon asked me again, “So what is your plea?” Njebele, “Not guilt!” Justice Judge King Solomon then read a scripture;
“It written in Revelation 20:15, “And anyone whose name was not found recorded in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of Fire”.
King Solomon continued “So now at this point may I ask our court martial Mr. Samson to bring the Book of Life and check if the defendant’s name is written in it. If it is found that your name is indeed written in the book, I shall automatically acquit you. Woe unto you if the name is missing; in that case you will have to defend yourself.”
Umm Bakamba fully knowing that my name is not engraved in the sacred book, I started trembling. I thought deeply njebele “If I just stand idle in this dock and let Samson bring the Book of Life, then all hell will break loose.”
I then turned myself into my own lawyer and came up a gimmick defense to try and stop Samson from getting the Book of Life.
Bakamba as Samson was about to leave the court room in order to get the Book of Life, I screamed out to the Judges njebele, “Your honours I need an injunction please!” Judge King Solomon asked ati, “Why?”
Njebele, “Because I want first to raise preliminary contempt issues against Angel Gabriel!”
Justice Judge King Solomon then turned to the already standing up Samson and said, “Mr. Samson kindly take a seat first!”
Then the Judge added, “May I now ask His Messenger Senior Angel Gabriel to step forward and stand in front!”
The moment Angel Gabriel stood in front Justice Judge King Solomon the turned to me ati, “Now defendant go ahead and raise your preliminaries issues against the Angel in front!”
Njebele, “Your Honour the Bible says that every…”
Judge King Solomon interjected and guided me, ati, “Defendant as you raise your preliminary issues please quote the exact verse in the Bible that you are referring to!”
Njebele, “Your honour am not very sure nganimuli Galatians or Proverbs but in general the Bible says that “Every humanism will face judgment before been thrown into that Sulphuric burning fire… but how come Angel Gabriel grabbed without subjecting me to the court process?”
His Justice King Solomon then turned to Angel Gabriel and said, ” 2 Corinthians 5:10 – “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due to us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. So how come Gabriel wanted to throw the defendant into the Lake of Fire before being judged?”
Angel Gabriel responded, “You Honour my attempt to throw the defendant into the lake of fire was simply to remind him that he was now in Heaven and not on the Earth!”
Justice King Solomon asked me ati, “Defendant who brought you into the court room?” Njebele “Wamene Angel Gabriel”
Justice Judge King Solomon then ruled ati, “My verdict on the preliminary issues against Messenger Angel Gabriel is that, “the fact that Angel Gabriel rescinded his decision of throwing the defendant into the Lake of Fire and led the defendant into the court room is an indication that truly he is a believer of Justice for God’s creation! I therefore dismiss the defendant’s preliminary issues!”
Bakamba with that ruling, already I lost one case before even the main judgment was concluded!
Bakamba as this was being read Samson disappeared briefly from the court room and reappeared pushing the heavy Book of Life on a trolley and laid it on the Judges’ table! Bakamba at that juncture I started shivering heavily – my heart was now pumping like Ben Bleza’s studio drum beat “Nduh, Nduh, Nduh” and quickly my body temperature accelerated to 61.5 degrees. I cried inside njebele, “Owee chapwa ine ba shoka manje mu hell fire!”
To be continued on Tuesday.
Christian author, Joseph Chibwe describes his drama series as fictional; depicting a cantankerous drunkard from Malole Tavern who narrates his own dramatic escapades using a language he barely comprehends.